LAPD Wife

LAPD Wife Podcast

I had a fantastic time this weekend chatting with Ken from PoliceBackground.net and Gloria, an LAPD applicant, about my experiences and outlook as the wife of a seasoned LAPD officer. What's really fun is that our conversation is now available as a podcast you can listen to at your convenience.

Check it out at the link below. I hope you like it and just remember, this wasn't rehearsed or scripted, so if I sound goofy, be kind. I have to say that I really had fun talking about a subject I am passionate about and hope that I provided words of hope, motivation, inspiration or maybe just laughter for those who find themselves in similar situations.

PoliceBackground.net / LAPD Wife Podcast

 

Tragedy Affects a Nation - and a Child

I typically watch the news in the early morning hours before the kids get up for school and then turn it off when they wake up. As the wife of a police officer I am very careful about what the kids see in the media - all too often the lead stories scream headlines of "officers ambushed," "police killed," and so forth. (For more on that, see Cop the Truth's post Four More Washington Officers Ambushed and Murdered.)

My daughter is 6, my son is 9. My son is becoming aware of the dangers of his father's profession. He's interested in the military and watches the History and Military channel shows with his father. He's started to ask questions and we can see the wheels spinning in his head about his father's job. We are trying to be as honest and open as we can, while also tempering the scary truth with sensitivity for his young outlook on life. I don't want to take away his innocence too soon and let him know that it's possible his father can be killed by some POS who sees a uniform as a target.

My daughter, however, is still in that stage where all she thinks Daddy does is help lost kids, keep bad guys away and come to school once in awhile to talk to her class about safety and strangers and maybe handcuffing her teacher for laughs. She dances around the house in her ballet uniform and says she's going to marry her Daddy someday.

This morning, however, she snuck out of bed early and into the kitchen where I was packing their lunches and watching the news about the horrible tragedy in Washington. I had left the room for one minute - kid you not - one minute, and come back to hear her sounding out the words (she's learning to read and phonetically sounds out every sign, word or writing she sees) "Four Off-Cers Killed To-Day." It was like one of those slow motion moments as I thought "crap!" to myself and lunged for the remote.

Too late, I saw that the words she was playfully sounding out had sunk in. She looked at me questioningly and asked if she had read that right. "Yes," I told her, accepting that the cat was out of the bag and sitting down next to her and drawing her into my lap.

"Why are there 4 police dead, Mom?" she asked. I explained to her that Daddy was ok (he was at work at the time) and that these officers, who lived far away, had died because a very bad man had made a very bad decision and left it at that. I told her that these officers were now in heaven and continuing to protect people like guardian angels and God was happy to have more help.

She cuddled with me for a minute, looked up at me with those Bambi eyes and said she hoped their Mommies are ok. I tried not to cry and suggested that maybe we can make a card for their families and she like the idea.

Luckily the clock was ticking and we had to get ready for school. In all the hustle and bustle I forgot about that moment until after I had left them at school. I have to go pick them up in a little while. Will she remember this morning and ask me more? She may not - attention spans at this age are pretty darn short. But I will watch her and try to be ready.

Cell phone harassment

One of our friends, Mark, called this weekend and asked for Officer Jake. Mark and his wife Michelle are good friends of ours who we socialize with often. They have 3 daughters, the younger are friends with our kids and their teenage daughter is one of our babysitters. However,  when Mark called and asked for Joe, the way and tone he did so made me realize that this was one of "those" calls. I can always tell when friends call for help of the law enforcement kind - there is a different tone of voice and I've gotten very good at reading it.

So I handed the phone to Jake with a whispered "sounds like a serious help call" to him. Within a few minutes of talking, Jake switched from joking friend type conversation to serious, get-down-to-business conversation and left the room to discuss whatever they were talking about away from the listening ears of the kids.

Our friend's 14-year-old daughter had been getting obscene phone calls on her cell phone. The caller, who sounded like a male in his teens or 20s, saying things like "I want to have sex with you," or commenting on how hot she looked that day, how sexy she was, all sexual in nature. The caller ID was blocked, and though the girl's parents told her not to answer blocked  calls, she had several friends who also showed blocked numbers so often picked up the calls anyway.

Our friend Mark reached the breaking point when, as the caller was again bothering his daughter, she handed the phone over to her Dad who threatened him to stop calling and harassing his daughter. The called was so bold as to tell him that he thought his daughter was hot and planning on having sex with her. Mark saw red and called Jake.

Jake was very sympathetic. We have a daughter and this is a fear of a father, for sure. He gave advice to Mark such as 1) don't answer any blocked calls no matter what. 2) make a report to the local station. 3) get a new cell phone number asap.

They followed his advice and thankfully the calls stopped. But as far as trying to track down this harasser, there wasn't much to be done. If they were able to find out who the caller was, and prove it - which is unlikely - the most they can charge him for is a misdemeanor child annoyance. Phone companies will not backtrace a blocked call without search warrants, etc.

Even though the calls have stopped, Jake has cautioned our friends to let this be a lesson and still be aware. He says that often the harasser is someone they probably know, or close to someone they know. A friend's brother, father, relative. Or a friend of a friend who was able to get her number - pretty easy with teenagers who are socially active, in sports and not very aware of protecting their privacy.

They are being much more cautious, and Jake talked to the daughter too, giving her advice and cautions to follow. We hope that some of it sank in. At 14, you feel indestructible, but it's just not true. A good lesson for all of us.  

Veterans Day - Support Our Soldiers

Flags are flying everywhere today and our thoughts turn to both those who have served our country in the past and in the present. I have two nephews who are in the Marines, my brother-in-law recently retired from the 101st Airborne, my father-in-law served in the Korean war and there many more I could mention. I am thankful, very very thankful for their sacrifices, their love of country and all that they do to keep our country safe and give us the chance to continue to thrive in this great country.

Today is a good day to also think about how we can show our support beyond just a few words on the internet. Cop the Truth has a good post about sending care packages during the holidays. Think about this early, folks, you can't wait til Dec 23 to get it there in time.

I've also listed a few other organizations I'm familiar with that give us opportunities to show our support for the troops. If you would like to recommend any others, please leave their info in the comments section. Thank you.

Cop the Truth: Support Our Troops this Christmas

Cell Phones For Soldiers: Cell Phones for Soldiers was founded by teenagers Robbie and Brittany Bergquist from Norwell, Mass., with $21 of their own money. Since then, the non-profit has raised almost $2 million in donations and distributed more than 500,000 prepaid calling cards to soldiers serving overseas.

Operation Gratitude: This organization seeks to lift morale and put smiles on faces by sending care packages addressed to individual Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines deployed overseas. Operation Gratitude care packages contain food, hygiene products, entertainment items and personal letters of appreciation, all wrapped with good wishes of love and support.

Huh? Hand Sanitizer Misuse

Here's one I would have never thought of on my own. It's flu and cold season and I've stocked up on the hand sanitizers for my car, purse and to send with my kids to school. We do what we have to do to protect ourselves from the rampant germs this time of year brings. (Right now my son is home sick from school as I write this with a bad chest cold and heavy cough).

Hand sanitizers have gotten very sophisticated as they've grown in popularity. You can get everything from a 99-cent clear, unscented version at your local drugstore to a grapefruit and melon-scented, moisturizing beads included, glittery designer-type at Bath & Body Works at the mall. (A personal favorite store of mine).

But here's something I didn't think I needed to worry about. I read today that since hand sanitizers often contain a high volume of alcohol that there is now "hand sanitizer misuse" similar to the old Nyquil Smoothies of past years. Yes, somewhere out there, a misguided person is chugging hand sanitizer. Makes me gag to think about it, but with an often 60-percent alcohol content it becomes more seducative to those looking for an illicit high.

One more thing to warn your kids about. "Honey, rub it on your hands.... DON'T drink it!"

Miss me?

To my readers: I'm so, so sorry that I've been off the blog for so long. Vacation with no wifi turned into start of school chaos with the kids. I then took a big breath and the inlaws came in for a week visit. All this while a large contract with one of my better-paying clients fell into my lap that involved me commuting 2-hours a day downtown. I'm going to try to work in a mental breakdown somewhere, but don't have the time. Ever get that feeling yourself?

Meanwhile, I'm having big thoughts as I commute of redesigning the blog. I need a new banner on the top. The red lips have been great, but I think we need a visual "makeover." Let me know your thoughts and if you would like to be in my beta test group. I'm going to send out ideas to a select few readers and beg for your input. So leave me your email either in the comments  or drop me an email at renee@lapdwife.com and let me know.  (read more below the photo)

Meanwhile, here's a pretty picture from my vacation on the Central Coast of California. The coastline pic is near Ragged Point in Big Sur, just north of where Hearst Castle is. Google Hearst Castle if you haven't heard of it - it's amazing. The flowers were ones at a local garden. If any of you want to send me flowers, I looooove daisies. One of my top 5 faves as far as flowers go.  Now... breathe... anyone know yoga?!

Routine Challenges

Marriage to a police officer brings many challenges, but one that I think we all deal with continually is learning to adjust to the shift work, overtime, on-call duty and other work-related scheduling hassles. We learn quickly that the only thing reliable about their work schedules is that they are not reliable. When we make plans, there is always the possibility that Jake may not be availalbe, so I aways have a Plan A (no Jake) and a Plan B (with Jake) in place.

Well, almost always. Even I, after 15 years, still make rookie mistakes. Like last week. I had scheduled a lunch date with a  good friend of mine in the Valley. We were to meet at noon. It's summer, the kids are out of school, so I always have to think about child care. Being the smart girl that I am, I asked my friend if she wouldn't mind the kids tagging along. No problem, we're all set.

I told Jake about my plans and he informed me that he would be able to watch the kids that day, if I would like to have a quiet lunch with my friend. Excellent! Jake was working, but was leaving early to go to a work-mandated physical therapy session (for problems that pop up now and then from past injuries on the job). He assured me that he would definitely be home in time.

I then made the rookie decision to wait and leave the kids with him. He did promise me that he would be home in time. What, oh what was I thinking? Big surprise, he ended up having to stay late for work, so therefore had to go to physical therapy late, so therefore arrived home late. Instead of just leaving and taking the kids with me, as I so smartly had planned on in the first place, I was going with Plan B and waiting at home for him to switch off with the kids, frantically texting my friend and pushing our lunch date back... and back.... and back.

Arriving at my lunch date an hour late, I was mad. Not mad at Jake, but mad at myself. I know better. It's not his fault, it's just the way the job is. I've been married to him long enough that I shouldn't let myself get caught up in this. The only person not mad at the table was my girlfriend. She's married to a cop - she gets it.

Farmers Market Report

We love farmers markets. I try to go at least once a week from late spring until late Fall - luckily where we live there are farmers markets everywhere, every day of the week, so it's pretty easy to make it to one when you're in the mood. I grew up on a farm and miss that farm-fresh taste, so this is fun for me and a great way to get my kids interested in fresh fruits and vegetables, where they come from and that they can actually be (gasp!) good to eat.

This weekend we brought home: white peaches, doughnut peaches, strawberry tomatoes, Campari tomatoes on the vine, Blue Lake green beans, butter lettuce, green lettuce, Oxnard strawberries, golden beets, a 5-lb bag of oranges, tzatziki and hummus, sweet corn tamales (for Jake) and kettle corn (for the kids). I have GOT to get me one of those wheeled carts I see the serious farmers market customers pulling around. By the time we are done, my arms feel like they are going to fall off from all the bags of food I'm carrying around. But the kids love it and what's extra nice is that since I let them help me pick out and sample the veggies and fruits, they will often try things that they wouldn't otherwise. The latest example is the green beans. They have never liked them before when I put them on their plates at dinner, but since they were able to pick them out and bag them at the farmers market, they have discovered that they like them. This is worth the little extra I end up paying - seeing them eat fresh veggies and liking them is very satisfying.

I even eat healthier when we buy at the farmers market. For snacks this week I've been having small bowls of strawberry tomatoes - small, reddest of red, and very sweet - they totally hit the spot and satisfy both sweet and savory cravings. The Campari tomatoes on the vine have become our "salad" for meals. I layer them with fresh basil from my garden and fresh mozzarella cheese I pick up at Trader Joe's. I then drizzle them with olive oil, balsamic vinegar and sea salt to make one of the ultimate salads of summer - the Caprese salad.

Isn't summer awesome!?

"If I was a Police Officer..."

"Police officers are just everyday heroes that can’t fly,
unless they get into a helicopter of course."

This is a quote from one of the winning essays submitted by 6th, 7th and 8th graders in answer to the question: "If you were a police officer for a day, what would you do to help the community?" The 10 winning essays are being featured on the LAPD official website. It's interesting to see life, our city and our police through the eyes of these children.

Exploring Malibu's Tide Pools

A new favorite family day trip we like to take is exploring the tide pools in Malibu (top photo). The weather has been fabulous lately and over the last couple months, we've made 3 trips on  lazy weekend days to a beach near Zuma. Jake goes online to find out when low tide is - the best time to view all the amazing sea creatures to be found - and we plan our day around that time. Picnic food is packed, sunblock applied and we're off.

I've been to tide pools a lot over the years,  but these really amaze me. If you do your research and know what to look for, you'll be amazed at the wealth of life to be found in these small pools of water. Starfish are by far the most common - gold and purple in color. We also see tons of anemones and mussles, crabs of several different shapes and sizes, spiny sea urchins and the occasional lobster - who is usually already picked clean by the seagulls who are always around.

There are rarer treats to be found, though, if you know what to look for. We've found that Sea Hares (or sea slugs) can be found often, but are easy to overlook as they just look like black blobs of slime. The kids have fun daring each other to touch them - I was brave and gave it a try, it was basically like touching wet goo - like the old slime-in-a-can we used to be able to buy as kids.  By the way, we observe the rules of the tidepools when we visit. We touch some things - like starfish and sea hares - but very gently. We never take anything home and very rarely move anything. The exception being that sometimes I will feel sorry for a starfish that's washed way up and will move it back to the water and away from the beady-eyed seagulls.

One fantastic day we saw a very rare type of sea slug called a Spanish Shawl (amazingly beautiful for what is essentially a colorful sea slug), a Bat Starfish and what I think is a Sheep Crab (very freaky and scary-looking for a crab). This is such a fun activity for us to do as a family and a great trip to be had at a very low price as everyone is watching their budgets these days. 

Photos: Top pic is of the tide pools at low tide in Malibu just north of Paradise Cove, south of Zuma. Second pic is of a purple starfish. Third is a rare sighting of a red bat starfish. Next is of a California Sea Hare, then a fantastic close-up I got of a Spanish Shawl (it's only about an inch or two in length). Last is the Sheep Crab.  Click on any of these photos to see larger images.