LAPD Wife

LAPD Wife Podcast

I had a fantastic time this weekend chatting with Ken from PoliceBackground.net and Gloria, an LAPD applicant, about my experiences and outlook as the wife of a seasoned LAPD officer. What's really fun is that our conversation is now available as a podcast you can listen to at your convenience.

Check it out at the link below. I hope you like it and just remember, this wasn't rehearsed or scripted, so if I sound goofy, be kind. I have to say that I really had fun talking about a subject I am passionate about and hope that I provided words of hope, motivation, inspiration or maybe just laughter for those who find themselves in similar situations.

PoliceBackground.net / LAPD Wife Podcast

 

Tragedy Affects a Nation - and a Child

I typically watch the news in the early morning hours before the kids get up for school and then turn it off when they wake up. As the wife of a police officer I am very careful about what the kids see in the media - all too often the lead stories scream headlines of "officers ambushed," "police killed," and so forth. (For more on that, see Cop the Truth's post Four More Washington Officers Ambushed and Murdered.)

My daughter is 6, my son is 9. My son is becoming aware of the dangers of his father's profession. He's interested in the military and watches the History and Military channel shows with his father. He's started to ask questions and we can see the wheels spinning in his head about his father's job. We are trying to be as honest and open as we can, while also tempering the scary truth with sensitivity for his young outlook on life. I don't want to take away his innocence too soon and let him know that it's possible his father can be killed by some POS who sees a uniform as a target.

My daughter, however, is still in that stage where all she thinks Daddy does is help lost kids, keep bad guys away and come to school once in awhile to talk to her class about safety and strangers and maybe handcuffing her teacher for laughs. She dances around the house in her ballet uniform and says she's going to marry her Daddy someday.

This morning, however, she snuck out of bed early and into the kitchen where I was packing their lunches and watching the news about the horrible tragedy in Washington. I had left the room for one minute - kid you not - one minute, and come back to hear her sounding out the words (she's learning to read and phonetically sounds out every sign, word or writing she sees) "Four Off-Cers Killed To-Day." It was like one of those slow motion moments as I thought "crap!" to myself and lunged for the remote.

Too late, I saw that the words she was playfully sounding out had sunk in. She looked at me questioningly and asked if she had read that right. "Yes," I told her, accepting that the cat was out of the bag and sitting down next to her and drawing her into my lap.

"Why are there 4 police dead, Mom?" she asked. I explained to her that Daddy was ok (he was at work at the time) and that these officers, who lived far away, had died because a very bad man had made a very bad decision and left it at that. I told her that these officers were now in heaven and continuing to protect people like guardian angels and God was happy to have more help.

She cuddled with me for a minute, looked up at me with those Bambi eyes and said she hoped their Mommies are ok. I tried not to cry and suggested that maybe we can make a card for their families and she like the idea.

Luckily the clock was ticking and we had to get ready for school. In all the hustle and bustle I forgot about that moment until after I had left them at school. I have to go pick them up in a little while. Will she remember this morning and ask me more? She may not - attention spans at this age are pretty darn short. But I will watch her and try to be ready.

Tragic Day Epitomizes a Police Wife's Fears

People ask me what my big fears are for my officer husband. Targeted attacks like this top the list.

My heart hurts. 

Police Officers Killed in Washington 

Cell phone harassment

One of our friends, Mark, called this weekend and asked for Officer Jake. Mark and his wife Michelle are good friends of ours who we socialize with often. They have 3 daughters, the younger are friends with our kids and their teenage daughter is one of our babysitters. However,  when Mark called and asked for Joe, the way and tone he did so made me realize that this was one of "those" calls. I can always tell when friends call for help of the law enforcement kind - there is a different tone of voice and I've gotten very good at reading it.

So I handed the phone to Jake with a whispered "sounds like a serious help call" to him. Within a few minutes of talking, Jake switched from joking friend type conversation to serious, get-down-to-business conversation and left the room to discuss whatever they were talking about away from the listening ears of the kids.

Our friend's 14-year-old daughter had been getting obscene phone calls on her cell phone. The caller, who sounded like a male in his teens or 20s, saying things like "I want to have sex with you," or commenting on how hot she looked that day, how sexy she was, all sexual in nature. The caller ID was blocked, and though the girl's parents told her not to answer blocked  calls, she had several friends who also showed blocked numbers so often picked up the calls anyway.

Our friend Mark reached the breaking point when, as the caller was again bothering his daughter, she handed the phone over to her Dad who threatened him to stop calling and harassing his daughter. The called was so bold as to tell him that he thought his daughter was hot and planning on having sex with her. Mark saw red and called Jake.

Jake was very sympathetic. We have a daughter and this is a fear of a father, for sure. He gave advice to Mark such as 1) don't answer any blocked calls no matter what. 2) make a report to the local station. 3) get a new cell phone number asap.

They followed his advice and thankfully the calls stopped. But as far as trying to track down this harasser, there wasn't much to be done. If they were able to find out who the caller was, and prove it - which is unlikely - the most they can charge him for is a misdemeanor child annoyance. Phone companies will not backtrace a blocked call without search warrants, etc.

Even though the calls have stopped, Jake has cautioned our friends to let this be a lesson and still be aware. He says that often the harasser is someone they probably know, or close to someone they know. A friend's brother, father, relative. Or a friend of a friend who was able to get her number - pretty easy with teenagers who are socially active, in sports and not very aware of protecting their privacy.

They are being much more cautious, and Jake talked to the daughter too, giving her advice and cautions to follow. We hope that some of it sank in. At 14, you feel indestructible, but it's just not true. A good lesson for all of us.  

Veterans Day - Support Our Soldiers

Flags are flying everywhere today and our thoughts turn to both those who have served our country in the past and in the present. I have two nephews who are in the Marines, my brother-in-law recently retired from the 101st Airborne, my father-in-law served in the Korean war and there many more I could mention. I am thankful, very very thankful for their sacrifices, their love of country and all that they do to keep our country safe and give us the chance to continue to thrive in this great country.

Today is a good day to also think about how we can show our support beyond just a few words on the internet. Cop the Truth has a good post about sending care packages during the holidays. Think about this early, folks, you can't wait til Dec 23 to get it there in time.

I've also listed a few other organizations I'm familiar with that give us opportunities to show our support for the troops. If you would like to recommend any others, please leave their info in the comments section. Thank you.

Cop the Truth: Support Our Troops this Christmas

Cell Phones For Soldiers: Cell Phones for Soldiers was founded by teenagers Robbie and Brittany Bergquist from Norwell, Mass., with $21 of their own money. Since then, the non-profit has raised almost $2 million in donations and distributed more than 500,000 prepaid calling cards to soldiers serving overseas.

Operation Gratitude: This organization seeks to lift morale and put smiles on faces by sending care packages addressed to individual Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines deployed overseas. Operation Gratitude care packages contain food, hygiene products, entertainment items and personal letters of appreciation, all wrapped with good wishes of love and support.

LAPD Chief Charlie Beck

Officer Jake called me this morning as I was dropping off the kids at school to let me know that Charlie Beck has been chosen as the next Chief of the Los Angeles Police Department. The mood is good at work, as he was a favored choice of the rank-and-file. Law enforcment is a family affair for Beck, his father, his daughter and his son all have or had careers in law enforcement and he himself has served 32 years on the force.

Chief Beck is respected by many of the rank-and-file, has a tough stance on crime and believes strongly in building strong community relations between the department and the people it serves. He's got a big job ahead of him, but has alot of experience heading up big projects and leading within the department. The blog WitnessLA has a really good breakdown of the three candidates and more info about Beck: Choosing the Chief: THIS IS IT!  (interesting tidbits, too, like he's a champion motorcross racer - go figure!)

Like I said, I'm also curious about Mrs. Beck. Jake just hit 20 years and it's been a long road. How would you feel if your husband was 32 years on the job and THEN was appointed Chief of Police for the LAPD? I'm betting her story is a good one to hear. If anyone knows any info about contacting her, etc, please let me know, I'd really love to hear her perspective.

And the new LAPD Chief is...

Word is that the new chief will be announced tomorrow morn at 11 a.m. I'm kicking myself for not starting a virtual pool or something. I asked Officer Jake if there were any at work and he just gave me a mysterious smile and wagged his eyebrows at me. Very coy...

All three candidates have been top of mind in the media today. Every time I turned on the news I saw one of them either entering or leaving the mayor's residence as he interviewed them all again. I'm guessing this means that the running is very close and the decision a very hard one. I'm sure it is - this is a job that will immediately demand much of the person who fills it.

The new LAPD chief must be tough on crime and media-savvy. They have to perform miracles daily and cultivate the respect of the rank-and-file, all while keeping an eye on the big picture of continuing to improve on the record of the LAPD and finding ways to expand our force and keep it the top notch department that it is during these tough economic times.

Piece of cake, right?

Unlike when a new SCOTUS is chosen, the candidates' wives haven't received much - if any - media attention. Understandable, but as for me, I will be curious to know more about the woman behind the man who will be leading our 10,000 men and women in blue. Her job won't be easy either.

Party Countdown

I've been planning a "party" for Officer Jake the last few weeks, to use the term loosely. First of all, Jake drives me nuts because he hates parties, he doesn't want attention or any sort of fuss to be made about his birthday or any other milestone. I, on the other hand, love to plan events and am constantly dreaming about big dinner parties, cocktail events, picnics, backyard weddings, you name it, that I could throw at our home. Well, finally, he agreed to let me have a small dinner (can't say the word "party") for a few friends as a celebration of both his birthday (last month) and his 20-year anniversary with the LAPD.

Twenty years with the LAPD (or any other department) is a big deal. First, there is the accomplishment of surviving this long without any major injury or incident that adversely affects our lives. Don't get me wrong, he's been in his share of bang-ups, been in the hospital a few times and we've had our scares, but overall he's healthy and still on active duty.

Second, there is the mental aspect of knowing that he could now retire if he felt like it. Retiring at 20 years wouldn't be a good move financially, though, as the pension is still pretty low at this point, but just knowing that he could do it if he really had to is a sort of mental release. It's all downhill at this point, as we head toward his retirement. He's figuring on working around 30 years for the department, so we're over the hump and I think this next decade will pass very quickly.  

So here I am, with a guest list of about 20 people for dinner at our house. It's looks like a who's-who of Jake's career, with old partners, supervisors, Academy classmates and their husbands or wives from the past 20 years working for the LAPD. I think it's going to be a blast - I've known most of these people, or at least heard alot about them - and it'll be great to have everyone together.

Cooking for 20? I'm up to the challenge and thrive under pressure. First thing is to clean up the house,  put away all the guns, ammo and handcuffs lying around (just kidding! I think some of my readers assume our house is like a scene from Lethal Weapon - it's not!). Spruce up the backyard and get all the outdoor furniture ready. No way am I going to make it formal - casual dinner, sit inside or out (thank goodness the heat wave broke) and mix and mingle.

Here's the menu:

Appetizers for arrival will be: olives, cheese and cracker tray, eggplant dip, homemade guacamole and various interesting chips from Trader Joe's.

Meal: Grilled bbq chicken, grilled Tri-tip, grilled and roasted vegetables with an herb balsamic vinaigrette. A rockin' green salad with  baby greens and fresh spinach, dried cranberries, sliced apples, candied pecans and crumbled blue cheese.

Dessert: Old-fashioned Apple-peach crumble with french vanilla ice cream.

I'll report back how it went soon... wish me luck! And yes, everything is homemade. I don't do mixes. And I'll be sure to share the recipes of everything that goes over well here in the future. And pics if I remember to take them. Bon Appetit!

An Uncertain Future for LAPD

Jake comes home everyday with new rumors and stories of layoffs, furloughs, etc. He's called this morning once already to let me know the latest update on city negotiations regarding the future of the LAPD police and their work schedules. Times are tough, the economy has made it necessary in our state for many employees to be laid off or given furlough days to compensate for massive budget cuts and deficits.

Some say it's unfair that police not have to take their punches like all the other state and city employees are being forced to do. I understand that. But I also see that the LAPD has made great improvements over the past few years as their numbers have built up to a level similar to other large city departments such as NY and Chicago. As Chief Bratton said in an interview with Celeste Fremon of Witness LA, the small ratio of officer to citizen in the past brought about a feeling of a need to control the community, whereas as the department more recently became larger and the ratio of officer to citizen narrowed, the culture of the department became more of a desire to work with the community and relations greatly improved.

I heard somewhere that retirement and attrition rates alone mean that the LAPD needs to continue to hire each year to just keep their numbers level. I dont' know what the best answer is - there are talks of hiring freezes, furloughs etc. The Los Angeles Times and various other organizations and personalities around LA are supporting LAPD funding and not having layoffs. I just know that Jake is worried and talking about where to trim our costs of living, etc, which makes me worried. Whatever happens, we'll tighten our belts and we'll survive. I just hate this period of uncertainty and now knowing what our future holds.   

More coverage about this subject:
Witness LA: When the City Has $$ Trouble, Should the LAPD’s #s Be Cut?
LA Times: L.A. police funding must be a priority

There's nothing routine about some traffic stops

Had to point out this post from Mrs. Fuzz over at the blog "A Police Wife" about her husband's first night going solo. The only times Officer Jake is solo is when he's in court, so it's hard for me to imagine the worries that a wife might have. I at least have the knowledge that someone is there to back Jake up if he needs  help ... although the stories I've heard about some of the dumbass partners he's had in the past aren't always the greatest.

Anyway, it's a good read...check it out: HF's First Night Solo

I had a difficult time sleeping on Saturday night. I don't know if it's because I was feeling a little anxious about HF being alone and safe, or if it was the fact that he kept calling me whenever he had any action!

HF learned that there is nothing "routine" about a traffic stop. .... read the rest HERE.