LAPD Wife

LAPD Wife Podcast

I had a fantastic time this weekend chatting with Ken from PoliceBackground.net and Gloria, an LAPD applicant, about my experiences and outlook as the wife of a seasoned LAPD officer. What's really fun is that our conversation is now available as a podcast you can listen to at your convenience.

Check it out at the link below. I hope you like it and just remember, this wasn't rehearsed or scripted, so if I sound goofy, be kind. I have to say that I really had fun talking about a subject I am passionate about and hope that I provided words of hope, motivation, inspiration or maybe just laughter for those who find themselves in similar situations.

PoliceBackground.net / LAPD Wife Podcast

 

Crime Scene Cake

I saw this recipe for "Raspberry Crime Scene Cake" from the LA Times Food Section and just had to share. The name of the cake notwithstanding, I think it sounds pretty tasty and am planning on trying it out. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes. Hopefully my kitchen won't turn into a crime scene. Here's the note from the food editor:

Note: Maybe I've seen one too many crime drama. The first time I garnished this cake with the lurid red of raspberry puree, all I could think about was demonic laughter, followed by a fade to a police detective saying, "This has to be the work of that same slasher, chief."

The recipe can be found HERE.

In Honor of Trader Joe's

This is one of those times I love Twitter. I follow a "Cooking with Trader  Joe's" twitterer who pointed out a hilarious unofficial video for Trader Joe's that's on YouTube. For the locals who read my blog, you'll totally crack up cause you've lived and breathed this stuff when shopping at TJ's. For others, well... it's a peek into the store that's a way of life out here and without which we'd all pine away.  (p.s. the only thing they didn't mention is the gimmick where they hide a stuffed animal in the store and kids who find it get a prize. Officer Jake always helps the kids find it so he can get a prize too!)

Dinner Party Conversations

I sent out a couple of Tweets via Twitter earlier this week about a dinner we had with friends. I had several requests for more details (Twitter limits you to very short bursts of information) so here goes:

We had several couples over for dinner one night. On the guest list were two ER doctors (husband/wife team), a small business owner and his wife (a SAHM) and a retired police officer and his wife. I knew that dinner conversation definitely had the potential of getting ... "interesting" ... with 2 cops and 2 ER docs but didn't think too much about it. Of the women, two of us were married to officers and had pretty much heard most of the stories or had developed the survival instinct of tuning them out at will.

I forgot about Lauren.

Poor, poor Lauren.

Lauren is the wife of the small biz owner who is also one of our neighbors and very good friends of ours. But she really hasn't been exposed to the down and dirty war stories that tend to come out after veteran officers gather together over a few hours of drinks and good food. ER doctors and nurses fall easily into that category, also, with many similar experiences in their line of work - and aren't easy to gross out.  (Me? I fall somewhere in the middle. Some stories I've heard so much that I've become desensitized. The rest of the time I've developed a sixth sense of knowing when to "check on the kids" or something like that.)

So there we were, enjoying our after-dinner granita in our backyard(for my foodie readers, see the full menu below) and I was deep in conversation with the other officer's wife about the kids' Little League schedule, having lost interest in the emergency room case the others were discussing. Suddenly I hear Lauren gagging, her husband patting her on the back and then she's up like a shot and running into the kitchen to "help with clearing up."

The story had turned to a case where someone had a seizure while driving and his car went into a place of business, hitting several people, children included. The driver, who should not have been driving, was so distraught when he regained consciousness, had taken a large shard of glass and in his suicidal despondency over what he had done, had attempted to slit his own throat. The doctor, who had been on ER duty that night, was describing the wound, complete with sound effects.

Poor Lauren, she was green when I checked on her and she even ended up doing all my dishes, she was too afraid to head back out for awhile. Worked out fine for me : )

Menu

• Roasted eggplant dip
• chips and salsa
• Cucumber/smoked salmon/fresh dill appetizers
• Teriyaki chicken kabobs
• BBQ Tri-tip
• Green salad
• Roasted vegetables
• Pina Colada Granita (an Italian ice dessert - like a slushy but fancied up)
• platter of chocolate-dipped strawberries, dried apricots, pretzels

Search Results Laughs

I get a lot of hits on the site from Google or other search engines result. I can backtrack some of them to see what the search terms were that brought people to my site. Most are obvious, but some are pretty hilarious and even quite bizarre. This result from a  Yahoo search for "lapd wife" was pretty funny. According to this, one of the reasons for becoming an officer is .... the LAPD Wife Store!

LAPD Wife: Why Did You Become a Police Officer? 

In the latest episode of Southland, the training officer said this to the rookie: "There are two reasons you become a cop: 1. For the ... The LAPD Wife Store! ...

lapdwife.com/2009/05/why-did-you-become-a-police-officer.html?... - Cached

Rookie Stories

The first writing challenge for the blogathon is to tell a story about a rookie mistake my husband may have made or a time that he was totally embarassed as a rookie. Here's the full challenge and another leo wife's story - it's a good one!

I called Jake (he's working today) and asked him about this. Of course, his first response is that he didn't make mistakes, of course. Ummm, sure. Anyway, he finally reminded me the story of the rusty gun at the Academy.

When Jake was a few months in the Academy, there came the day that they were issued their work guns. Everyone was handed a shiny new box that contained a brand new 9mm - or so Jake thought. As he opened his new box, he was totally surprised to see an old, rusty, falling apart, piece-of-crap 38.

"What the...?" he was thinking, looking around at this classmate, who were all inspecting their shiny new 9mms without a problem. The Academy is like the military - you don't talk back, you don't question your superiors, etc. He was really hesitant to say anything, but figured there had to have been a mistake, so tenatively approached his superior. And got reamed out for complaining about the gun he was given, was ordered that he was to use and like using it, etc etc. He shut up, totally embarassed and went through the entire next day or two with the POS gun in his Sam Brown, worrying that pieces would fall off and having no idea what to do next.

His classmates were not help, either. They were all glad they didn't get that gun, agreed that it was horrible, but no one wanted to stick up for him and put their neck on the line. Finally, on the second day, the training officer's made him stand in front of the class and demonstrate something like loading or whatever to the class with his POS gun. As he's struggling to do this, while grabbing rusty pieces as they fall off, finally the training officer loses his poker face and starts to crack up. 

Jake was informed that the gun was compliments of a relative of his, who was currently on the job and tight buddies with the training officers in the Academy. It was all a great joke at Jake's expense. Poor guy thought he was going to have to carry that thing for the next few months. 

Apparently that gun is infamous at the Academy and it's used often for just this sort of thing. Everyone got a good laugh and Jake was relieved at the end of it all to get his own brand new work-issue 9mm. And it was so embarassing for him that he remembers it in great clarity, even today, over 20 years later.

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For more information about the Police Wives Online Blogathon and to learn about how the monies raised during the event will be distributed, check out the Official Blog Here.

Police Dept Voice Mail Message

Saw this today - was just too funny, so had to share:

Yes, You Can Make Pudding With a Fork

This is the tale of my Easter Sunday dinner. Let's look back a week, back to the time when I was feverish and laid up with what turned into bronchitis. We were planning on spending Easter Sunday at Jake’s parent’s house and Jake was on the phone with his mother, planning the day. I was sure that I was hallucinating when I heard him say, “Oh, no, Renee would love to cook dinner for everyone. She really wants to treat you that day.”

Huh? Me….sick…. bronchitis….. fever. Helllooo?!! Ok, here’s the deal … Jake is afraid of his mother’s cooking. The family joke is that the only thing she knows how to make are reservations.

Luckily with the miracle of strong antibiotics, I was in good health and ready to cook this morning. Got the ham glazed, the carrots peeled and Yukon Golds washed and ready to go. However, I was cooking in a kitchen that was not my own, so all was not as easy as it should be. Let’s just say this kitchen is not stocked like my kitchen.

I needed a wooden spoon… nope, we don’t have one. The carrots had to be cooked in the toaster oven. I needed a grill plate. Nope. Jake commented to me that he recognized the pots and pans from his childhood.

I needed a whisk to make the pudding that my daughter requested. Nope. How about electric beaters? Nope. I was not discouraged and determined to make my daughter happy and was ready to make “shaker pudding” like I did back in college. All you do is put the mix and milk together in a Tupperware-type plastic tub and shake like crazy. I couldn’t do that even – there were only empty butter bowls without the lids that fit them.

And so I was left making pudding with a fork. In an empty old butter tub. And you know what? It worked – it was an Easter miracle! I hope you all had a good holiday at your homes.

Surviving: Good in Emergencies?

I've had more than one person tell me that I'm lucky being married to a cop. "He must be really good to have around in case of emergencies," they say.

This statement came back to haunt me this weekend as I was standing in inches of toilet water in our kids' bathroom and yelling my husband's name.

The kids were in bed, it was late and Jake and I were watching something on the Tivo. I needed a quick potty break, so ducked into the kids' bathroom as it was the closest, doing my business with the lights off so I didn't wake up the kids. Flush goes the toilet, I start to leave and then hear the sound. The horrible sound the makes you cringe and chant "no, no, no, please dear Lord, no." The sound of water overflowing.

I turned on the light and apparently the kids had failed to tell me that someone had clogged the toilet earlier. Luckly the floor is tile, but the water was heading for the carpet hallway. I rolled up my pajama pants, grabbed the plunger and waded in to do what had to be done, calling Jake's name for help, with no reply.

Finally, Jake walked back to see what was taking me so long. I was standing there in an inch of toilet water, holding the ballcock in the tank with one hand so the water would quit running, trying to plunge with the other hand and grabbing every towel I could find to fling them on the floor. I yelled at him to quit gagging and grab more towels from the laundry room to throw on the floor.

Next thing I know, one lonely hand reaches around the corner to hand me .... one washcloth. His survival instincts are intact, I guess. If he'd come around the corner at that point I would probably have thrown the plunger at him. Instead he flung the washcloth toward the sink and said he needed to get ready for bed since he had an early shift. I think he left a vapor trail running away from the haz-mat scene.

Good in emergencies? You tell me.

Humor for Moms

I got this in an email from my sister today. I laughed so hard I snorted. And pretty much because of the honest-to-goodness truthfulness of this. Have to share:

BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

• 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB / GYN confirms your pregnancy
• 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
• 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes

Preparing for the Birth

• 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
• 2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time breathing didn't do a thing.
• 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette

• 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
• 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
• 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:

• 1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
• 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
• 3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier:

• 1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
• 2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
• 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering:

• 1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
• 2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
• 3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:

• 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
• 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
• 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:

• 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
• 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
• 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:

• 1st baby : You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
• 2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
• 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins:

• 1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
• 2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
• 3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his allowance.