Thinking About Retirement

Ok, retirement is not really THAT close, Jake is about 8-10 years away from the big day. But I had lunch with a friend of mine the other day who is an LAPD wife and part of our conversation got me thinking about the retirement years - and worrying. Apparently a lot of police have a hard time retiring. The job can be a very time-consuming and even a life-defining thing. When you're suddenly without it, what do you do?

Stories of recent retirees I know include men who are bored and drive their wives crazy as they hover and become back-seat drivers for everything from grocery shopping to housekeeping. Even worse stories include separations and divorce as the two spouses who are suddenly forced together find out that they are not as compatible as they once thought they were. I know this is common with military spouses, too. My own sister went through a rough period of transition with her husband when he retired from the 101st Airborne a few years back.

Then there are the success stories. The ex-SWAT officer who went to culinary school and has found a new passion in life. Or officers who approach retirement by taking on sporadic security jobs that don't take as much time or effort, but allow them to still feel in the loop and to use their job skills in a productive way. Household honey-do lists that are now finished and gardens that suddenly are lush and well-tended. I know one retired officer who spends a lot of time at different nurseries and is now the unofficial neighborhood landscaping expert.

Jake and I have talked about this. I hear that the LAPD offers all kinds of counseling services as an officer nears retirement - from financial advice to just having someone to talk to that will point out common issues to prepare for and listen to any concerns you may have. Spouses of officers are also encouraged to take part in these sessions,  which I think is a really smart idea. After all, it's not just the one person who will be affected when he or she retires, it's the whole family. 

There will be pros and there will be cons. I believe that preparation is the key to survival - and while it's still early for us to be enrolling Jake in college courses for a second career, I don't think it's too early for us to at least be thinking about it and making more plans besides "where should we take our first big vacation?"

Anyone out there have any experience with this? Are preparing for retirement or been through it recently and have words of wisdom you'd like to share? Comment here or .... write me an article, email it to me at renee@lapdwife.com and I would love to post it here.  (writing anonymously is cool - just send me an email and we'll talk.)

Comments

[Natalie]

I'm really glad that you brought this topic up. We're not even 2 years into the force and it looks like the career choice for my hubby until retirement, but we haven't even begun to look at anything beyond the post-LEO years. I know that he'll need something to keep his interest up, so the sooner we start to look at options, the better and more prepared we'll be years from now! Plus, I love planning in advance. ;)

[Mich]

Hubby won't retire anytime soon (even-so he could).

He has his Bachelor and Masters,and his goal is to teach at a College .

[brettdl]

No problem here. I'll never be able to retire.

[KD]

My DH is far, far from retirement :( but I have a cop wife friend whose dh is getting there... she said he's slowly pulled out of most of his specialties (range master, swat, and there were a few others I forget now) and is kind of scaling back even within the job. She seems to think this will help the transition. We'll see! :D

[Mich]

Okay, I should have mentioned ,he just retired from the USAF reserve,after 20 +++ years.
NOW,he is thinking now about going to Vandenburgh ,working for Mission control .Or joining the Army reserve.....
He says,it's about the money...I say...he is a freak who need to be in uniform (told him this and he laughs and just has a big grin on his face).

[L.R.G.]

Hey All...

It's been a long while since I checked in... Funny, I was at my station tonight for our monthly Reserve meeting and was talking to some of the guys about career changes etc and a Captain said that the Sheriff gets a lot of retired LAPD coppers who are still too young to throw in the towel and don’t want to leave the leave the excitement of Police work, so they join the Sheriff and basically draw their LAPD retirement plus the Sheriff salary. I’m sure the LAPD gets their share of retired Deputies too, doing the same thing… I can say that I would trade careers in a second and go full time with the Sheriff, if only I could afford to make ends meet. In the mean time, I have the best of both worlds...

[SES]

Good topic, Renee! Well, let me put in my two cents' worth (maybe even a dime or two). This is real experience talking here.

I would like to see more agencies address this issue, it seems like after the gold watch is given to the officer, they are forgotten. It is quite a transition and I have heard that many retirees pass away after about three years due to inactivity and loss of motivation and structure.

It's good to think about this in advance. The fantasy of being able to do what you want, when you want, go wherever you want, is fine for a while.

Then he misses that male bonding group thing. He tries to make you his male pal. He bosses you around because he's used to bossing his prisoners or subordinates or civilians. (But of course, it doesn't work on YOU! And when you let him know, he certainly doesn't like it!)

He cooks according to HIS way of cooking, and leaves the mess for you to clean up (after all, that's YOUR job, right??) Never mind that you know how to cook (well, sometimes), it's not as good as his way...

And ya gotta have SPACE for his stuff, the stuff he will be reorganizing, cleaning, polishing, taking apart to fix, etc. etc. This stuff will end up on the kitchen table, the living room, the bedroom, the spare room, wherever he happens to be when he has it in his hand.

Of course, you must be able to go somewhere without prior planning, especially to go pick up supplies or parts for the stuff he is trying to fix.

If he is doing doctor's appointments, be sure and create the master list of medications and procedures so that there will be no confusion due to lapses in memory. But remember, you are not the doctor. However, if you see something that is hurting him, you do have an obligation to speak out. Hopefully he will recognize your wisdom and cheerfully consider your advice. NOT!! Then you get to tell the doctor yourself. If you are lucky, the doc will have an open mind and take your observations into consideration. A delicate balance will have to be maintained here, lest you be called a blabbermouth.

Have a night/day out for yourself, take care of your own errands without him around. It keeps your sanity intact. And he gets to mess around with his "stuff" without you being around to bother him about eating and those other "unimportant" things. Unless, of course, he wants to cook. :-)

And ALWAYS have fresh batteries available for the TV remote!!!!

Good luck!

[Mich]

say what????

[Mich]

SES, the problem is.... the Officer's wear out there bodies and spirit , for their career.

Just like with the Military.....

Hubby's advice..... get a hobby or a 2nd career ;-)

[SES]

Yes, Mich, they are so dedicated, they give their heart and soul to the exclusion of everything else. It is hard for them to find a good balance between work and the rest of life.

But we still love 'em.

[Blue Moon]

Thanks for your mind boggling endless blathering SES,after all that mass of confusion I'd be ready to check out of life. Thanks but no thanks. LOL I'm giving you a hard time honey,but I did have to read it twice.

I'll probably volunteer allot and stay active with International association of policewomen, have dinner parties and invite lil German lass,DH, Renee and Jake over so she can bring some of her fabulous dishes,share war stories and talk about my glory days as a stellar (or maybe that's unstable) young beat cop, teach martial arts, tai chi or power yoga..yes,seriously. I'll call the kids several times a day if they've moved out or are in college and drive them nuts,play in the garden,bake for the neighbors,spy on the neighbors,continue to make lists for Cliff,continue to make love to Cliff, enter Salmya Hayek look alike contests or work as her look alike,enter Ms.Simi Valley pageants and the list goes on.

In all seriousness I really LOVE teaching self defense to women. There's several things I could turn into a second career to keep my mind and spirit going. Whatever it may be it'll be at a much slower pace. I've felt my self slow down in every way the past four years so by time I retire I'll be ready for something new.

[Mich]

SES, please excuse me, sometimes my memory is a bit off...blaming it on the kids,lol.

Are you dating a cop, or married to one?I'm not trying to be rude or mean,but when I do read *advice* or * opinions* about LEO life from someone,I do like to know,where their experience comes from.

[Blue Velvet]

My thoughts exactly Mich.I think I asked along time ago, and If memory serves me right she went half way through the academy or something. Is that right SES?

[Buddhababe]

Isn't SES the lady who went on and on about minerals,vitamins,drinking tons of water etc etc on a police suicide topic?

Some peeps just have diahrea of the fingers.

I still swing by this blog from cuzz I like Renees writing and her other topics but I'd never start posting about LEO advice.LOL

[SES (with RING and BADGE!)]

Ladies (and Gents), since it has been a while since I have posted, I'll update you on my situation: I have received a diamond ring and gold badge pendant from "Deputy Flamethrower." We have known each other for about 22 years and have been "an item" for more than 2-1/2 years when he retired from two different law enforcement agencies. He has been fighting diabetes and other health issues for quite a few years and in the past 6 months has been to the hospital for kidney failure (now recovered) and IGIV infusions for neuropathy which were supposed to help but have now damaged him further. It is difficult for him to complete normal daily tasks.

The post topic is about retirement. Per author Renee's request, I provided some "words of wisdom you'd like to share." The experiences I relate to you are directly from the daily life of my retired deputy. I tried to make it lighthearted so you would laugh even though it is serious.

Answering another question, I have military background (as does Deputy F), have attended LE citizen's academy, and have participated in LE functions, exercises, and "real world" disasters. My other LE activities have been suspended due to Deputy F's condition.

I enjoy hearing all of your stories, thanks!

(very busy weekend coming up, have to get us ready for family wedding, please excuse if I cannot respond immediately)

[Mich]

Thanks SES for your reply and congrats on your engament (sp).

[SES (with R&B!) (and I don't mean music!)]

Thanks, Mich!

[Blue Velvet]

Congrats SES

[SES]

Thanks, Blue Velvet/Cheese/Bird/Star!