LAPD Wife

Thinking About Retirement

Ok, retirement is not really THAT close, Jake is about 8-10 years away from the big day. But I had lunch with a friend of mine the other day who is an LAPD wife and part of our conversation got me thinking about the retirement years - and worrying. Apparently a lot of police have a hard time retiring. The job can be a very time-consuming and even a life-defining thing. When you're suddenly without it, what do you do?

Stories of recent retirees I know include men who are bored and drive their wives crazy as they hover and become back-seat drivers for everything from grocery shopping to housekeeping. Even worse stories include separations and divorce as the two spouses who are suddenly forced together find out that they are not as compatible as they once thought they were. I know this is common with military spouses, too. My own sister went through a rough period of transition with her husband when he retired from the 101st Airborne a few years back.

Then there are the success stories. The ex-SWAT officer who went to culinary school and has found a new passion in life. Or officers who approach retirement by taking on sporadic security jobs that don't take as much time or effort, but allow them to still feel in the loop and to use their job skills in a productive way. Household honey-do lists that are now finished and gardens that suddenly are lush and well-tended. I know one retired officer who spends a lot of time at different nurseries and is now the unofficial neighborhood landscaping expert.

Jake and I have talked about this. I hear that the LAPD offers all kinds of counseling services as an officer nears retirement - from financial advice to just having someone to talk to that will point out common issues to prepare for and listen to any concerns you may have. Spouses of officers are also encouraged to take part in these sessions,  which I think is a really smart idea. After all, it's not just the one person who will be affected when he or she retires, it's the whole family. 

There will be pros and there will be cons. I believe that preparation is the key to survival - and while it's still early for us to be enrolling Jake in college courses for a second career, I don't think it's too early for us to at least be thinking about it and making more plans besides "where should we take our first big vacation?"

Anyone out there have any experience with this? Are preparing for retirement or been through it recently and have words of wisdom you'd like to share? Comment here or .... write me an article, email it to me at renee@lapdwife.com and I would love to post it here.  (writing anonymously is cool - just send me an email and we'll talk.)

Memorial Day

No big backyard bbq for us today. Jake put out the flag this weekend, but both of us are working today. At least I work from home, but the kids are off, so it's a little harder for me to stay focused. But you know what - it's pretty awesome working from home, too. I just took a 15-minute break to run around the back yard and have a water-gun fight with my kids. Now I'm sitting here, staring at spreadsheets with my shirt soaking wet and totally stress free. Try doing that in an office job.

Hope that the rest of you are having a nice day off and stopping for a moment to remember why we have Memorial Day. Hot dogs and bbqs are great, but take a minute and think of those out there - past and present - who work so hard to defend our way of life. And be grateful. I am. God Bless.

Care and Feeding of Police Officers

The surveys are going well - I have 55 completed for Part One and 35 for Part Two. DON'T FORGET PART 2! - If you took survey one, but didn't realize there was a second one, please go back and help me out.

I've got ideas for a series of articles from the results I've seen already, but don't plan on tabulating official results until we have 100 completed surveys (both). So tell your GFs, get your husband to take it, and remember that this works for military, fire, police, dispatch, paramedics, etc.

Thanks! And keep the doughnuts to a minimum!

Dinner Party Conversations

I sent out a couple of Tweets via Twitter earlier this week about a dinner we had with friends. I had several requests for more details (Twitter limits you to very short bursts of information) so here goes:

We had several couples over for dinner one night. On the guest list were two ER doctors (husband/wife team), a small business owner and his wife (a SAHM) and a retired police officer and his wife. I knew that dinner conversation definitely had the potential of getting ... "interesting" ... with 2 cops and 2 ER docs but didn't think too much about it. Of the women, two of us were married to officers and had pretty much heard most of the stories or had developed the survival instinct of tuning them out at will.

I forgot about Lauren.

Poor, poor Lauren.

Lauren is the wife of the small biz owner who is also one of our neighbors and very good friends of ours. But she really hasn't been exposed to the down and dirty war stories that tend to come out after veteran officers gather together over a few hours of drinks and good food. ER doctors and nurses fall easily into that category, also, with many similar experiences in their line of work - and aren't easy to gross out.  (Me? I fall somewhere in the middle. Some stories I've heard so much that I've become desensitized. The rest of the time I've developed a sixth sense of knowing when to "check on the kids" or something like that.)

So there we were, enjoying our after-dinner granita in our backyard(for my foodie readers, see the full menu below) and I was deep in conversation with the other officer's wife about the kids' Little League schedule, having lost interest in the emergency room case the others were discussing. Suddenly I hear Lauren gagging, her husband patting her on the back and then she's up like a shot and running into the kitchen to "help with clearing up."

The story had turned to a case where someone had a seizure while driving and his car went into a place of business, hitting several people, children included. The driver, who should not have been driving, was so distraught when he regained consciousness, had taken a large shard of glass and in his suicidal despondency over what he had done, had attempted to slit his own throat. The doctor, who had been on ER duty that night, was describing the wound, complete with sound effects.

Poor Lauren, she was green when I checked on her and she even ended up doing all my dishes, she was too afraid to head back out for awhile. Worked out fine for me : )

Menu

• Roasted eggplant dip
• chips and salsa
• Cucumber/smoked salmon/fresh dill appetizers
• Teriyaki chicken kabobs
• BBQ Tri-tip
• Green salad
• Roasted vegetables
• Pina Colada Granita (an Italian ice dessert - like a slushy but fancied up)
• platter of chocolate-dipped strawberries, dried apricots, pretzels

When a Police Officer Kicks a Gang Member

EL MONTE PD: Last week images of an El Monte police officer kicking a gang member were repeatedly shown in the media with the usual armchair quarterbacking that follows such incidents. My reaction to any similar incidents like this is to wait. Don't make quick judgements without all the facts. And don't assume that you have all the facts in the first 24 hours that follow incidents like these - when most of what you'll hear in the media is speculation and snap judgements.

One person I look to hear from, though, is Jack Dunphy, the LAPD police officer who writes for the National Review Online about life as an LAPD officer and the politics that often surround it. He has a piece in Pajamas Media today discussing it called "When a Police Officer Kicks a Gang Member."

LAPD HIRING FREEZE: In another story in the news, Tim Rutten of the Los Angeles Times, speaks out again the proposed LAPD hiring freeze by the City Council, arguing that a freeze in this case isn't necessarily a freeze, but rather steps backward due to attrition, etc. The story: L.A. Still Needs More Cops

Descanso Gardens

When Officer Jake has a weekend day off, we like to take family day trips around Southern California. Some days we go to the beach, others we picnic and hike. There is so much to do here around the area that the possibilities are endless. We do have our favorites, though, and one of them is to visit Descanso Gardens, beautiful botanical gardens located in La Canada (near Pasadena). It's a small drive of about 30-45 mins, and we like to make a day of it. We spend several hours touring the gardens, go to nearby Montrose for lunch and do some window shopping walking up and down Honolulu Avenue in Montrose, which has a Main Street USA feel to it.

The scenery at Descanso is amazing. These pictures were taken about 3 weeks ago and show a very small portion of the 150 acres of history and horticultur seamlessly blended into a visually stunning and surprisingly peaceful escape from the stresses of the world for a day. The photo above is in the Japanese tea garden, where they serve traditional tea several times a week. Trails meander all over the park and even when it's crowded, it never feels that way. My favorite times of year to visit are near Easter and again between Halloween and Christmas. They have concerts, programs for children, weddings, etc, but honestly I can just walk and walk and never get tired of it.

 

I grew up in the Midwest and one of the flowers that I miss seeing are lilacs. Descanso has been developing special lilacs that can grow in Southern California and even have a special lilac garden where at least 50 different large lilac buses are thriving. I stand in the middle, close my eyes, take a whiff and am transported back to days of playing clubhouse under the lilac bushes with my sister growing up on the farm.

Descanso also has amazing rose gardens, popular for weddings, a huge camellia forest, the restored home of the original owners whose dream became a reality with creating these gardens, koi ponds, special seasonal displays and avenues filled with everything from azaleas, ferns, hills of clivias and magnificent, majestic oak trees that must be over a century old. If you live in or around Los Angeles, or are visiting our lovely state sometime in the future, this is truly a wonderful place to see and works for all types of groups. Jake and I used to take romantic walks here when we were dating but enjoy it just as well now with the kids as they can run and play and have lots of neat places to explore. I highly recommend it.

Search Results Laughs

I get a lot of hits on the site from Google or other search engines result. I can backtrack some of them to see what the search terms were that brought people to my site. Most are obvious, but some are pretty hilarious and even quite bizarre. This result from a  Yahoo search for "lapd wife" was pretty funny. According to this, one of the reasons for becoming an officer is .... the LAPD Wife Store!

LAPD Wife: Why Did You Become a Police Officer? 

In the latest episode of Southland, the training officer said this to the rookie: "There are two reasons you become a cop: 1. For the ... The LAPD Wife Store! ...

lapdwife.com/2009/05/why-did-you-become-a-police-officer.html?... - Cached

In the News & Around the Blogosphere

LAPD OFFICERS HONORED BY OBAMA: Fifteen Los Angeles police officers involved in the standoff that ended Feb. 7, 2008, with the shooting death of a colleague were honored at the White House on Tuesday.

And yet there's this: OBAMA'S PROPOSED CUTS TO DEATH BENEFITS PROGRAM: Police magazine ran an article yesterday following up on President Obama's proposed cuts to benefits for survivors who lose their loved ones in the line of duty. The executive director for Concerns of Police Survivors feels that the proposal is meaningless and will not affect the program. I'm a little confused - basically it sounds like Obama want to reduce the funding for the program, since during "normal" years, the Public Safety Officers' Death Benefits Program doesn't use the full amount of funding it receives. But if attacks on officers are up, and funding is cut, isn't it possible that families who lose their officers will suffer without compensation in the future? Read the full story and let me know what you think.

GUY FOOD: I've really like the blog Fuzz Food since I started reading it a few months ago - but absolutely get excited when Mrs. Fuzz lets her husband post recipes for "guy food." The Delgado Slim is a classic, but the most recent post is pretty good too. The food looks atrocious, but it's written in guy form and is pretty hilarious. Need a chuckle? check it out.

A POLICE OFFICER'S GRADUATION: A sweet story from the blog "A Police Wife," about her husband's graduation from the police academy and the events surrounding it. I love reading about the festivities that go with this and the fact that they are working together as a couple, loving their life together and looking to the future with such optimism. Plus, there's cake! Check it out and wish them well. (Photo copied from her site)

Desperate Southland Wives

Despite my lackluster review of the new television series "Southland," I've continued watching the show, hoping it will draw me in. I still think it's entertaining and should be watched with that in mind - that it is entertainment only. While the show does closely mirror life as a police officer in Los Angeles, it is not the hard-and-fast total truth and does embrace many stereotypes that media in the past has loved to embrace, but are not realistic portrayals of everyday police out there, such as my husband.

It's the wives in "Southland" that have captured my interest and while I watch I focus on the scenes that try to take a look at marriage and family life with LAPD. For the most, I laugh. There is Tammy the Trainwreck (my nickname I've given her), the needy, whiny, grasping wife of a Detective. She's so idiotic that it's gotten funny laughing at what outrageously boneheaded thing she'll do next. Definitely NOT a character for real wives of officers to look up to or emulate. Unfortunately, she's the one we see the most during the show. 

Finally a new wife was introduced in the last two episodes that I could like. The pregnant wife of Detective Nate, she has only been seen for about 1 or 2 minutes total, but during that time she was supportive, understanding and said something to the effect of "we'll work out things TOGETHER." Now that's what I'm talking about!

Another new wife introduced into the show that caught my attention was the wife of Detective Russell. They annoy me, too, but it came out during a scene that she is a writer with a journalism background and maintains a blog or website called "I Love a Cop." (They didn't mention the name of the site, but if you have the show taped, there is a scene where the husband accuses her of running a site where wives like to "pretend that they like being married to cops" and she is sitting in front of her laptop. Freeze frame and you'll see the fake site they've set up.)

Hmmmmm.....  I'll keep watching, I'm wondering where that is going. ??

* Happy Mother's Day

Today has been good. Jake is home, something we don't take for granted, and I've been spoiled - which is as it should be. I was tackled in bed by my kids, who presented me with the really great, kooky homemade gifts that 6 and 9-years olds are so good at. Then breakfast out with Jake and the kids followed by a family hike - one of our favority activities - in a local park.

The afternoon was designated "whatever Mom wanted to do." Which was to go to (don't laugh!) Home Depot, buy a few flats of colorful flowers and have fun in the garden. Jake let me go at it while taking care of the kids, fixing them lunch and monitoring all domestic disputes between siblings. I love flowers and working in my gardens. Its soothing, peaceful and productive. And I'm proud of all the work I put into it. I have an amazing rose garden, citrus trees that produce well, lots of color everywhere and about 6 new fruit trees we've put in that we're anticipating in years to come.

Tonight is dinner out with friends and a relaxing boat cruise. Mother's Day is good, very good. I hope all of yours is turning out as well.

**I added a photo taken from the boat of another Mom enjoying her day at the lake. Click on the photo to blow it up full size.