LAPD Wife

Gun Shot Residue

I always know that it's about time for Jake to qualify again when he starts sporting GSR (gun shot residue) on his clothes and hands from frequent trips to the local range for practice. And there is also the smell... of gun cleaning fluid. The man spends more time cleaning his gun than .... well, he spends a lot of time, let's just say.

He decided to clean his gun, for some reason, in our bedroom this time. He laid out newspaper, had his special rags, fluids, etc and closed the door to keep the kids out. I poked my head in at one point to ask him a question and almost gagged from the fumes. He said you get used to the smell, kind of like how women aren't bothered by nail polish fumes and yet he acts like I'm using some sort of toxic chemicals when I do my nails in the car.

I aired out the bedroom later and he cleaned up his mess. Or so I thought. The next morning, I open the door to the laundry room and the smell hits me like a brick. He's left the rags on the washing machine and stuffed the soaked newspaper in the recycling bin in the tiny, closed up room. Took me all day and half of one of my good candles to get the smell out.

And by the way, THE BOX is still in the same spot in my bedroom. I'm about to give in and move it myself. It's been there for 3 months now...

This Party is a Zoo!

I've been inundated with baseball games, birthday parties and school activities over the last week and neglected the blog. We've also taken a few fabulous daytrips that I'm excited to write about here in the blog. I used to write a lot of daytrip articles, with photos, and loved doing it so hope to include it here again, especially as we're finally hitting nicer weather and everyone is looking for ideas to get out and get away from it all - if only for a day.

One of our trips actually was found by going to a birthday party. One of my daughter's friends had her 5th birthday party at a zoo I'd never heard of: America's Teaching Zoo at Moorpark College in Moorpark. Not only was this a revelation, but it was totally fascinating. This is a zoo where students learn how to be exotic animal trainers or caretakers. It's small, but surprisingly well-stocked, inexpensive, and they put on animal shows every weekend. (Private ones for birthday parties, too). This was a fun, and very different idea, for a birthday party. So much better than yet another trip to Chuck E. Cheese.

We were able to roam the grounds at first, then attended a show, followed by cake and food. After that we were free to roam the entire zoo for as long as we wanted, even stay to watch another show if we like. They are all different and feature different animals. I was amazed as I got to be within 5 feet of a California Golden Eagle (they are HUGE when seen up that close) as its caretakers took it for a walk. It had an interesting story behind it, too. (See the picture).

We were treated to many different animals at the show and the kids thought it was pretty funny that I was seated in the "spray zone" when they brought out the skunk at one point. If you plan to check this place out, I recommend it as a fun and educational trip for the whole family. But do it before it gets too hot this summer, as there wasn't much shade and Moorpark gets pretty hot, from what I hear.

As for the photos, I can't remember what this cute little animal was called in the top photo, but it was crawling all over the girl handler and the kids loved it. The second photo is the sign about the Golden Eagle. I couldn't get a good shot of the eagle (she was in the shade), but interesting trivia in the sign. (click on the photo to make it blow up larger so you can read it. - and censor the last bit from the kids if they are overly sensitive about life - and death - in the wild.) The third photo is an emu. Biggest highlight of the show was when the emu squirted out bright green poo right in front of the kids. Talk about splash zones - yuk! Last photo is of a sea lion with her trainer. The show handlers are all college students learning to be exotic animal trainers or caretakers.

 

BlogTalk Radio Interview

Whew - I did it! The Blog Talk Radio 1-hour interview with me last night went great. Thanks for your call-ins and messages of support throughout the show. If you missed it, it's still available at the BlogTalk Radio site here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/LawEnforcement/2008/05/08/The-Watering-Hole

The interview will also be available as an iTunes download. Lt. Raymond was a great host and I felt like we covered a lot of subjects that are near-and-dear to me, as far as the Police Wife book and LAPD Wife website are concerned. Thanks to everyone. Now back to writing...

Radio Interview Update

I found out that you can indeed call into the show to speak with me. Here's the number (it's also on the blog talk radio web site): Call-in Number: (646) 378-1513.

At first I had no idea what I was going to talk about for an hour. But, I  just got off the phone with the host and now I'm thinking there won't be enough time. Wish me luck - and call in to say hello!

More info about my radio interview this evening: http://ddinc.typepad.com/lapdwife/2008/05/lapd-wife---on.html

Police Wife Stereotypes in the Media

Several years ago, soon after I started writing about my life, I was asked by a reader to address an issue he thought might be of interest: How police wives are portrayed in the media. An excellent question and one I vowed to address soon. But then I realized I needed to do a lot more research. I rented movies, read books and watched tv shows about police - soaking it all in and thinking about how the wives were portrayed in each of these mediums. And that's if they were even portrayed at all. I also polled members of other police spouse forums, asking other spouses' opinions and finding out that, once again, we're all pretty much on the same page here.

It's a sad fact that while police are a popular topic for movies, books and television show, the women behind the badge rarely rate any appearances at all. And just like there are pervasive stereotypes of police in the media, there are also stereotypes of police wives. If the wives even merit attention at all. Our impact, our importance, our existence is rarely acknowledged in the world of entertainment. And with the rare exception, unflattering stereotypes seem to pervade those instances when we do show up. The following questions were posted on a popular police wives forum (www.policewivesonline.com). Here are our thoughts:

How do you feel police wives are portrayed in the movies, on television and in books?

No surprise here - most officers’ spouses feel that their positions are portrayed for the most part in several negative ways. "It seems like the wives are always bitchy and complain about having to do all the work around the house because he's never home," said one wife from Texas. "Honestly, I would divorce most of the "wives" on TV shows or movies if I was the man in their lives."

"All that comes to mind is negative views of police wives. Most of the TV shows, and movies portray us as being very crabby about all the hours, and not being home with the kids. Also I've seen a lot of shows where the LEO(law enforcement officer) wife always get's cheated on, and just looks like a total dumb a**. She's staying at home with the kids and running the household, well he's off doing his job, working many hours, kickin' ass and banging co-workers and other people on the side."

"(Many) portray us as either absolutely perfect in everyway, with no complaints ever or else we are the complete opposite and are terrible awful bitches that do nothing but whine all the time and close our eyes to the harsh reality of the convenience factor that a Cop has to cheat."

I think we (police wives) all agree that we'd like to see shows/movies/books that give law enforcement wives the credit they deserve. We are the "hidden" partners, the strength behind the badge. We often are the ones who keep the family together, and have to do it alone while our spouses are working long and non-traditional hours.

Is there a stereotype you often see? Is it accurate and/or fair?

Stereotypes are just as common for the police wife as they are for the police officer. Common ones we see are either the damsel in distress, the hapless wife sitting at home complaining and driving her husband to infidelity or the defenseless victim of domestic abuse. Oh yes, and don't forget the stripper ones, too.

"The damsel in distress. The "bad guy" is taking their child to get back at the husband or some other thing like that, and they stand there screaming, "No, please help me!" Whatever! I would at least put up a fight. But, that's many movies in general rather than just those showing police movies. Personally, I like the "damsels in distress" who at least look like they tried to fight off the attacker."

            

"It really bothers me when they portray (police wives) as a few things..

1. The "whore" the one that sleeps around while hubby is at work, full on tacky make up, trashy dressing etc.

2. OVERLY homely with 20 kids

3. DUMB uneducated like didn't get thru middle school!

4. Subservient, doing everything he says and beats her and she takes it.

5. The one that really irks me, that we all come from white trash families with no education and nothing in life and barely make it to live, and of course are just sooooo stupid uneducated!

6. OR we were all Badge Bunnies that broke up his marriage to get him!"

What are some of your favorite books/movies/tv shows that you feel portray positive images of police wives?

Nevertheless, there are a few shows that have had positive characters portraying police wives - and we have noticed and do appreciate it. In fact, it'd be great to see some more.

I immediately mentally reviewed common popular movies and tv shows from when I was growing up that centered around officers. There was the Lethal Weapons, Die Hard, Beverly Hills Cop, NYPD Blue, Walker Texas Ranger, Hill Street Blues, Miami Vice, C.H.I.Ps, etc. Many of these really didn't have characters portraying police wives, or if they did they were almost invisible. But here are a few that were decently positive.

Lethal Weapon 3 or 4 - the ones with Rene Russo. She was in law enforcement also and really kicked a** alongside Mel Gibson. They were married. She still was judo-kicking criminals when she was pregnant. They were portrayed as happily married, which was nice, and full partners in their relationship. Her image was not a common, realistic one of police wives, I know, but she at least was fun to watch and not someone I would hate to portray me. And come to think of it, Danny Glover's wife in that movie was also a good character. She was funny, supportive, but didn't take crap from him, a good mother, involved, caring, loving.

NYPD Blue: Sipowitz's first wife, Sharon Lawrence. She was a lawyer. Smart, beautiful, honest, caring, supportive, a working mother in a profession that allowed her to understand and be around her husband through the rough times. She's the one of the few police wives I've admired when watching tv or movie roles.

In Die Hard, Bruce Willis's wife was pretty realistic, I think, as much as that movie would allow it anyway. She was intelligent and supportive, but had also obviously had enough of the hard life and dealing with a husband never there. Of course, after he rescued her and a whole building of people and then her and a bunch of airplanes running out of fuel how could she resist going back to him? ha!

Again, this is entertainment we're talking about, and I understand a need for drama and theatrics to keep audiences entertained. But having a foundation of someone strong and intelligent rather than weak or just idiotic is much more palatable to me. Other wives chimed in with instances they've found of police wives portrayed positively:

"Faye Kellerman has a series of books. The main character is a police officer, Peter Decker. Early in the series, he meets his future wife when she is the victim of a crime. The series takes place over a number of years -- he gets promoted, they have a kid, etc -- and it seems to portray pretty close to home.
- she is supportive but finds she needs to have her own life and interests,
- she's responsible for raising the kids and managing the home because you never know what his schedule will be,
- there is one book where a lady accuses him of having an affair with her to get him in trouble at work and of course EVERYONE is sure that he did (because all cops cheat) until his wife shows up and supports him.
- they have their share of issues ... female partner, missed plans, trouble with the kids, etc.

What are some of the worst?

Here are examples of media characters police wives give a universal thumbs down to:

• The quiet, meek, wife: Seven - Gwyneth Paltrow was Brad Pitt's cop character's wife. She was meek, quiet, hardly talked, looked angelic but not a big character. And her head ended up in a box.
• The depressed neglected wife: Heat - Awesome movie, one of our favorites. Pacino's wife was portrayed as neglected, depressed and heading for divorce. She smoked pot to escape the pain and cheated on him (got caught on purpose) to get him to notice. Not such a good image, in my opinion.
• The nonexistant wife: Training Day - Denzel is show with his girlfriend all the time, but he was married and they didn't even show the wife!
• The whore: "I remember a quote from a TV show...either The Shield or Third Watch, I think....but a police officer on the show said "Cops marry hookers, nurses or other cops." It still irks me. A lot.

                                                

*reprinted from an earlier post in 2005

Written by Renee (LAPDWife), Police Wives Online Staff Member

©2005 LAPDWife.com & PoliceWivesOnline.com

This article may not be copied and/or redistrubuted without permission from both parties

LAPD Wife - The Blog Talk Radio Interview

Mark your calendars - I'm going to be featured during a Blog Talk Radio interview this week on the show "The Watering Hole." The hour-long program will include me talking about this web site, the book I've written, the life I lead - and hopefully not making too much of an idiot of myself at the time.

This is kind of scary, but I'm looking forward to it. And you guys can now have a voice to put with these crazy words I write. If you miss the show, it will be available as a download at iTunes afterward or from the BlogTalkRadio Law Enforcement site.

Here's the link to listen live: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/LawEnforcement May 7 at 2100 hours, Pacific. I will be interviewed by Lieutenant Raymond Foster, a retired members of the LAPD after 24 years on the job. He runs several web sites about law enforcement authors, is a published author himself and generally can do just about anything by reading his resume. Here's hoping he can make me sound good.

Wish me luck! And let me know if there are any specific topics you would like me to try to address during the show. I think you could even call in, but check their website for specifics.