Adventures in Dating

- Written by guest columnist "Officer C" -

“You drive like such a cop.”

She doesn’t elaborate.  Just cinches up her seatbelt a little tighter around her waist.  I shoot a glance at the speedometer.  No, not speeding.  So what is it then?  I force a laugh and pretend to sing along to something on the radio, but I don’t know the words.  So I sort of make up my own.  The in-car karaoke seems to relax her a bit, but I’m left wondering.  Such a cop.  And then it hits me.  It isn’t the speed.  It’s the way we take corners, outside-inside-outside.  We call it “negotiating turns,” but it’s really just cornering.  The painted lanes are just suggestions, really.  The streets are a coloring book, and sometimes we go outside the lines.  Something changes in us after pursuits and Code 3 runs, and Emergency Vehicle Operations training.  We can’t drive in sharp angles any more.  Ours is a world of curves.  I try not to notice hers.  She’s never dated a cop before, and she’s already making comments.

She lives inside my Division.  This is a new experience for me.  I showed up at her doorstep wearing fake eyeglasses, a baseball cap, and a backpack – trying to look like a college student even though I’m pushing thirty.  She told me that the glasses make me look like Harry Potter.  Not the image I’m trying to project, but oh well.  Apparently her neighbors across the way are kind of shady, and I’ve arrested a guy for attempted murder down the street.  I really like her, though, and do not want anyone around us to know what I do for a living.

Her little shih tzu puppy saw right through the disguise, of course – first barking and then after a few hearty sniffs, deciding that I’m a friend and fellow protector. Hopefully that scored me a point or two.  We date for awhile (the girl and I, not the dog). She minored in Criminal Justice in college.  Not a badge bunny, thank God, but someone with genuine interest.  She notices things – things I never even thought of.  Things about dating a Police Officer.

It’s a lot like any other kind of date.  And, well, it’s a lot different.  First of all, we are human.  We sometimes chase after the worst society has to offer, we sometimes get shot at, we sometimes witness amazing and horrendous events.  But despite that, a date with a lady we like can still make us more nervous than our first day in The Academy.  (Not that we would ever let her know, lest we run the risk of being called “cute.”  And no cop wants to be called “cute.”)

But there are also certain little things unique to dating a cop.  It’s the way we back our cars into parking spaces.  It’s the way we DEPLOY.  On EVERYTHING.  We sit or stand with our backs to walls, we scan the horizon for threats (consciously, for rookies, unconsciously beyond that).  We have to learn to live with our firearms, and that means that whoever is with us has to get comfortable with them as well.  Yes, it’s a gun in my pocket, *and* I’m happy to see her.  Since I wear mine on my strong-side hip, I can’t do things like put my arm around my date and lean over toward my right in a movie theater.  So instead I sit on her left.

When we go shopping, she picks out a fitted shirt she thinks I’ll look great in.  But I know it won’t conceal a weapon well.  I tend to pause when I hear sirens, look up when I hear a helicopter, and take a quick glance around when a car backfires nearby.  I can spot parolees from a mile away, and I keep my distance when I do.  And when she drives, I sometimes roll down the passenger window and put my elbow up on the door.  Just like I do when I’m in a black and white.

Sometimes we get in a kind of Zone.  Sports psychologists have labeled this heightened state of awareness and performance, “Flow.”  Police Officers and other First Responders are used to making split-second decisions.  When emergencies crop up in our personal lives, it’s only natural that we operate on instinct.  My date, for example, took a bad fall while running.  I simply took out a first aid kit and started working on cleaning and dressing her wounded knees.  This earned me many follow-up kisses, which was more than worth the effort.  But she also noticed that I simply got all quiet and business-like, and took care of the problem at hand.  She calls this, “Cop Mode.”

Cop Mode aside, the greatest off-duty compliment I’ve ever received is, “You don’t look like a Police Officer.”  The unfortunate reality is, we in Law Enforcement have enemies. They are more numerous and cunning than ever in this changing world.  I do not want to draw any negative attention to myself, my family and friends, or anyone I’m out with for a night on the town.

Ironically, these are the same characteristics that must be unlearned when one goes undercover.  And that’s essentially what being off-duty is.  Wide, Field Interview stance.  Hands at the waist.  Back to the wall.  Folding knife in the back pocket.  Hawaiian shirt.  Blue jeans.  Tennis shoes.  Crisp haircut.

She’s never dated a cop before, and she’s already making comments.  I like it.

We’re westbound toward the beach now.  The song on the radio changes, and I actually know the words.   My voice cracks, and we both laugh, and it’s not forced.  Suddenly I don’t feel the gun on my hip or the badge burning a hole in my pocket any more.  I’m just a guy on a date with a beautiful woman who makes me feel younger than pushing-thirty.  The sun sets in Santa Monica just beyond the winding stretch of highway.  I put my hands at two and ten o’clock—

And we just curve.

Submitted by my outstanding contributing writer - By Officer C

Comments

[Montana Deputy's Wife]

For having dated a police officer, and then marrying him, this is so true that I was laughing, remembering all of these situations and learning that you can't hold his hand on his "gun" side or he can never sit with his back to the door in any restaurant. Fantastic post!

[5150 4MYLT]

No comment just a big "SMILE"

[JL]

love to see more articles from this guest columnist :) gives a great insight

[Diane]

Very sweet. I'm just beginning to date a cop and that's why I googled in. I'd hate to think of myself as a badge bunny - and and I'm very OLD and have never yet dated a cop. But the attraction has been there a long time. I'm thinking maybe it's cause I was in the waiting mode, not for any cop - but THIS guy, who happens to be a cop.

[Damsel Underdressed]

There are many reasons that I tend to meet and date police officers. Badge Bunny? Maybe...but I just tend to "click" with them. Anyway, this post made me laugh because it is soooo true! And reminded me of a few good men. :)

[scott]

I dated a police officer in SF for about 7 months. It was a disaster. All she ever told me was how I did not understand her, her hours, her stress. She had issues with rage that I could not control, and she would go into her own world for days at a time. Finally, she broke up with me because she said relationships were too stressful.